there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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