Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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