I think I died a long time ago.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
bring money and cleavage
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
