Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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