I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It's rum buckets o'clock
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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