Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
