Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
