theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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