You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Randomize
