the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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