remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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