he shaved USA in his pubs
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
