Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
