if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
