that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
