I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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