You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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