just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
