im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
