u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
what is it with giant penises always finding me
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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