Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
