Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
