Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
