allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
