bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
