Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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