the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
