my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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