Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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