Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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