Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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