Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
