??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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