Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
