More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
