Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
did you just send me my own nude
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
