i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
