You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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