apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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