I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
