Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
