I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
