his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
