i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
