my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
