You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
