Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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