why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
