I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
