took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
