jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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