i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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