ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
