Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
