Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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