Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I FOUND THE LEGS
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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