Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
