Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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