my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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