The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
